also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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