for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
