I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
