I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize