Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
