What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
