People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
