Non-Jews are for practice
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
