that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
