it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
