I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
