my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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