I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
