I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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