You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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