My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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