I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
