Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
