There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
