oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
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