mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
