btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
