Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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