I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
