glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
