I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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