she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
