I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
