he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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