I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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