why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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