He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
