you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize