I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
