We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Randomize
