I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My balls are so social today.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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