out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
