That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
