Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
