dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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