Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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