No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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