Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
