Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
