went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
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