So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize