Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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