but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
