He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
