Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
