Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
