I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
