He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
