I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
