I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
