He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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