Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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