You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
PANTIES FOUND
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
