His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize