I molested 6 butterflies tonight
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
