im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
