Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
