if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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