Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Oh god it's open bar.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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