The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
