im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
