Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
