You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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