Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
