Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
