i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
