I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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