I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
