Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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