Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
