I heard we made out
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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