no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize