So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Randomize
