I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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