I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
