i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize